On the sacredness of marriage, the vows we make, and why something valuable is worth fighting for.

Marriage… marriage is what brings us together today.

Kidding. But seriously, let’s talk about Christian marriage for just a minute. And I hope I don’t step on too many toes, but here it goes.

The way our world, and even many believers, views marriage these days has become increasingly concerning to me.

There seems to be a growing lack of respect for marriage, both from the people within it and, far too often, from those outside of it. Marriage covenants should be honored, respected, and supported both inside and outside the home. Period.

And I think we need to start having some honest conversations about that.

Two Very Different People, One Foundation

I’ve been married for almost 13 years, and year 12 has been pretty normal-ish. Nothing earth-shattering. Nothing particularly extraordinary. Just living life, raising four kids, running a business together, working, paying bills, figuring things out, and occasionally working out the kinks that come with sharing your life with another human being.

On Wednesday night at church, I jokingly pointed out just how VASTLY different my husband and I are.

And y’all, we’re the definition of yin and yang, and not just in skin color.

I grew up in a strict Christian household. He grew up LDS. I’m Southern. He’s Hispanic. Trust me, THOSE THINGS ALONE have led to a ton of interesting “conversations.” Add that to our vastly different personalities? Y’all. But for the grace of God go we.

I’m loud. He’s quiet. I’m passionate. He’s calm. I’m outgoing. He’s introverted. I don’t mind shopping within reason, and he’s a penny pincher. He loves to dance, and I dance because I love him. I have amazing organizational skills. He has absolutely NONE. Bless his heart. I can remember every birthday, including the birth year, of practically everyone in our extended family. That man can’t remember what he ate for lunch yesterday.

Where he’s sometimes afraid to take a leap, I’m the one encouraging him or occasionally giving him the loving shove he needs. Where he’s rigid, I’ve helped him soften. But where I can get caught up in a hundred different ideas, he’s the one who helps me see what’s practical. Where I have the vision and the plans, he has the ability to turn those ideas into something tangible.

He’s steady, hardworking, dependable, and patient in ways I’m still learning to be. He brings a sense of calm and security to our family that we all genuinely appreciate, including my side of the family. He supports my dreams, works tirelessly for our family, and reminds me that love doesn’t always have to be loud to be meaningful.

Sometimes he’s Moses, and I’m his Aaron. Other times, I’m the one who needs an Aaron. We don’t always take the same road to reach a conclusion, but we usually arrive at the same place. We balance each other, and underneath our differences, we’re remarkably similar where it matters most.

But please don’t misunderstand me. Just because we complement each other in so many ways doesn’t mean we haven’t butted heads. And when I say we’ve butted heads, I mean we have BUTTED HEADS.

We’ve been through THINGS, y’all. Really hard things. Seasons of hardship, disagreements that seemed impossible to resolve, and moments when I genuinely wondered whether we were going to make it.

We’ve said things we should have never said, handled situations in ways we shouldn’t have, and hurt each other in ways we wish we could take back. We’ve faced circumstances that tested our patience, our commitment, and at times, the very foundation of our marriage.

There have been seasons when our differences felt less like strengths and more like obstacles. Times when loving each other wasn’t particularly easy, when understanding each other seemed nearly impossible, and when the future of our marriage didn’t feel nearly as certain as it does today.

And I won’t sit here and pretend that every difficult season was resolved with a quick apology, a hug, and a Bible verse. Some things took time. Some things required uncomfortable conversations, genuine accountability, forgiveness, changes in behavior, and a willingness to acknowledge where we’d each fallen short.

There were times when we had to stop focusing on everything the other person was doing wrong and start examining what we ourselves needed to change.

Because the truth is, we haven’t always been good at marriage. We’ve had to learn how to be better at it. And we’re still learning.

And I think that’s something worth talking about.

Too often, people look at a marriage that has lasted 10, 20, 30, or even 50 years and assume those couples must have had it easier somehow. That they were more compatible, had fewer problems, or simply never experienced the kinds of difficulties that cause other relationships to fall apart.

But longevity doesn’t necessarily mean the absence of hardship. Sometimes it means two people have walked through some incredibly difficult seasons and have had to make intentional changes along the way.

Our marriage certainly hasn’t survived because we’ve never struggled. And I won’t pretend that every struggle we’ve faced has been simple or insignificant.

But we’ve continued to grow, learn, forgive, and work toward being better spouses to one another.

We both love Jesus. We’ve both examined, questioned, and reconstructed our faith, and we’ve chosen to build our family on that shared foundation. Our faith doesn’t mean we’ve always gotten things right, but it does give us something greater than ourselves to look toward when we fall short.

And here’s something I firmly believe: My husband doesn’t need to become more like me, and I don’t need to become more like him. We both need to become more like Christ.

That’s the foundation we’re continuing to build upon.

But this isn’t really about my marriage. It’s about marriage itself.

My point in sharing all of this is that if two people who have had the odds stacked against them from the very beginning (in more ways than I care to get into today, and trust me, there have been PLENTY 🤣) can build a marriage that has lasted almost 13 years, then I genuinely believe there’s hope for a whole lot of marriages that people are ready to give up on.

We haven’t made it this far because everything has been easy, because everyone supported our marriage or even wanted us together from the start, or because we’ve always seen eye to eye.

We’ve made it because, despite our differences and the obstacles we’ve faced, we’ve continued choosing each other, learning from our mistakes, and working toward honoring the covenant we made before the Lord.

And I don’t share that to suggest we’ve mastered marriage. Lord knows we haven’t. Nor do I believe every marriage can be saved through one person’s effort, or that anyone should remain in an abusive or unsafe situation for the sake of keeping their vows.

I share it because I think we’ve forgotten something important.

Just because something is difficult doesn’t mean it isn’t worth fighting for.

When Something Is Valuable, You Protect It

Which brings me to something our Bible class teacher said Wednesday night that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about.

We were discussing the parable of the hidden treasure in Matthew 13:44, and our teacher made a connection to marriage that really stuck with me.

The parable itself is about the kingdom of heaven, but the point he made was this: When you recognize that you have something of immense value, you’re willing to make sacrifices for it. You don’t casually discard something precious simply because keeping it requires effort.

And y’all, I’ve thought about that quite a bit since Wednesday.

Because we live in a culture where marriages seem to be numbered. First marriage, second marriage, third marriage, and so on. Divorce has become such a familiar part of our society that we almost expect it. People don’t always respect the marriages of those around them, and lifelong commitments are sometimes treated as temporary arrangements.

We live in a society where starting a family before making a marriage commitment has become increasingly normalized, and the biblical pattern of marriage preceding the creation of a family is often viewed as unnecessary or outdated.

And from a Christian perspective, I believe we’ve gotten things backward.

Now, before anyone takes offense, I’m not passing judgment on unmarried parents, divorced individuals, blended families, or anyone whose story looks different. Every family deserves dignity, love, and compassion, and every person is worthy of grace. I don’t know everyone’s backstory, nor do I pretend to.

I’m simply speaking about what Scripture teaches concerning God’s design for marriage, not making assumptions about someone else’s circumstances.

What I am questioning is how often we allow pride, stubbornness, poor communication, or an unwillingness to compromise to turn disagreements into what we eventually label “irreconcilable differences.”

And I wonder how many of those differences might have been reconciled if both people had been willing to set their pride aside.

Ouch. I know.

And again, I’m not claiming that’s true of every divorce. Some differences involve serious betrayals, ongoing harm, or circumstances one spouse cannot repair alone. I’m simply offering a word of caution, particularly to those of us who are married and might need to examine our own hearts before allowing resentment to grow.

Because somewhere along the way, I think we’ve become so concerned with making marriage fit our modern culture that we’ve stopped asking whether our culture’s understanding of marriage reflects God’s intentions.

Marriage was never intended to be disposable. It was designed to be a covenant.

God Takes Marriage Seriously. Do We?

Marriage isn’t simply a romantic relationship or a legal agreement between two people. Biblically, it is a covenant that calls two people to faithfulness, sacrifice, love, and lifelong commitment.

In Malachi 2, God condemns the unfaithfulness of those who betray their marriage covenant. Malachi 2:16 is famously translated in some versions as God saying, “I hate divorce,” while other translations emphasize His condemnation of wrongful divorce and violence.

Either way, God’s concern for the marriage covenant is unmistakable.

Jesus tells us plainly in Matthew 19:6:

“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (KJV)

That’s a pretty significant statement, and I think we need to start treating it like one.

Marriage isn’t simply about finding someone who makes you happy. It’s about making a commitment to love, honor, and remain faithful to another person through the changing seasons of life.

When we promise to love someone for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, we’re acknowledging that life won’t always look like our wedding day.

Those vows are supposed to mean something.

And I believe we need to start taking them seriously again.

We’ve Got to Stop Confusing Difficult With Disposable

Now, let me be VERY clear. I’m not talking about marriages involving abuse, intimidation, coercion, or situations where someone’s safety is in jeopardy. No one should ever use Scripture to pressure someone to remain in danger or excuse mistreatment. Scripture also addresses serious violations of marital faithfulness, and those circumstances deserve compassion and careful consideration.

I’m talking about the ordinary hardships of marriage. The disagreements, financial struggles, exhaustion, parenting challenges, personality differences, unmet expectations, and seasons when life simply isn’t as romantic as it once was.

We’ve got to stop confusing difficult with disposable.

Marriage was never promised to be easy, and love was never intended to be conditional upon convenience.

Sometimes loving your spouse means apologizing when your pride doesn’t want to. Sometimes it means extending grace, having uncomfortable conversations, seeking counseling, learning to communicate better, or acknowledging that YOU might be contributing to the problem.

And sometimes it means remembering that the person standing across from you isn’t your enemy.

Fighting for your marriage should never mean fighting against your spouse.

It means recognizing that you’re supposed to be on the same team. It means addressing problems rather than attacking one another, choosing humility over pride, and remembering that the vows you made weren’t conditional upon every season being comfortable.

That doesn’t mean one person should carry the entire marriage while the other refuses to participate. A healthy marriage requires mutual love, respect, accountability, and effort. You cannot force another person to honor a covenant, and commitment should never be confused with tolerating mistreatment.

But when two people are willing to do the work, extend grace, take accountability, and genuinely seek God’s direction, there’s something incredibly beautiful about choosing to grow together rather than giving up when things become difficult.

First Corinthians 13 describes love as patient, kind, humble, and enduring. That’s not simply a description of romantic feelings. That’s love demonstrated through action.

And sometimes love is a choice we make even when our feelings aren’t particularly cooperative.

I think we’ve become so focused on finding someone who makes us happy that we’ve forgotten marriage also calls us to practice humility, patience, faithfulness, and selflessness.

Of course, happiness matters. Affection matters. Friendship and companionship matter. But those things are nurtured through intentional effort, not guaranteed by a wedding ceremony.

Something valuable is worth investing in, even when maintaining it requires work.

Building a Marriage on the Right Foundation

Jesus describes the wise man who built his house upon the rock in Matthew 7:24–25. The storms still came, but the house stood because its foundation was secure.

And while that passage is about hearing and obeying Christ’s teachings, I believe there’s an important lesson there for Christian marriage.

Being Christians doesn’t mean we’ll never experience storms. It means we have a foundation to return to when they come.

My husband and I aren’t the same people we were almost 13 years ago. We’ve grown, changed, made mistakes, learned lessons, and navigated life together. Neither of us has everything figured out, and I certainly wouldn’t pretend otherwise.

But here’s something I firmly believe:

My husband doesn’t need to become more like me, and I don’t need to become more like him. We both need to become more like Christ.

And that’s something I think every Christian marriage should strive toward.

We Need to Teach the Value of Marriage Again

In a world where divorce is so prevalent, perhaps we need to spend more time teaching our children about the sacredness of marriage and less time romanticizing the wedding itself.

Maybe we need to teach them that marriage is about more than love as an emotion. It’s about character, faithfulness, sacrifice, commitment, and choosing a person with whom they can build a life centered on Christ.

Perhaps we need to encourage couples to seek help before things fall apart, to practice forgiveness, to take accountability, and to remember why they made those promises in the first place.

And perhaps we need to remind ourselves that a difficult season doesn’t automatically mean we’ve married the wrong person.

Because when we stop seeing marriage as sacred, it becomes much easier to treat it as optional, temporary, or replaceable.

And that concerns me, especially as a Christian mother raising children in a world that increasingly presents commitment as something conditional upon personal satisfaction.

I want my children to understand that marriage is so much more than a wedding, a pretty dress, a celebration, or even the feeling of being in love.

It’s a covenant. And covenants are supposed to mean something.

But this responsibility doesn’t stop with married couples. It extends to the people around them, too.

We should be encouraging faithfulness, respecting marital boundaries, and supporting healthy relationships rather than interfering in them. Friends, relatives, and fellow believers should be people who strengthen marriages, not people who undermine them.

And that doesn’t mean staying silent about harmful behavior or encouraging someone to endure abuse. NEVER stay where you are being harmed because someone has convinced you that God expects you to sacrifice your safety to preserve a marriage. Please don’t misunderstand me on that. God does not require you to risk your life to prove your commitment.

Supporting marriage also means holding people accountable for the way they treat their spouses and making sure those experiencing harm have the protection and support they need.

It means recognizing that another person’s marriage deserves respect and that Christian community should be a source of encouragement, accountability, and protection.

We’ve become so comfortable celebrating the beginning of relationships that I wonder whether we’ve forgotten how important it is to teach people to preserve them.

A Covenant Worth Fighting For

Marriage is sacred. It’s a covenant worth honoring, a relationship worth nurturing, and when both spouses are safe and committed to doing the work, something worth fighting for. Because the promises we make before God should mean EVERYTHING.

I hope my point is understood that: when you recognize that something is valuable, you don’t carelessly throw it away because maintaining it requires effort. You tend to it. You protect it. You invest in it. And I think that’s something our culture, and even our churches, desperately need to remember.

“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” — Matthew 19:6 (KJV)

The vows we make before God should mean something.

Let’s start treating them that way. ❤️

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Everyday Amen | Faith, Family & Finding God in the Everyday